Thursday, March 6, 2014

Two Quick and Easy Ukraine Solutions

Congratulations to Svoboda and friends for capturing the flag in Kviv! One hopes they can keep and expand their gains; my personal hope is for all international phoney boundaries to be redrawn and redivided to reflect actual ethno-national boundaries, as might be established after long and violent struggles, in a state of peace by exhaustion. I think this process will occur, at some variation of pace and violence, and Ukraine provides almost perfect lab-example. We need to provide a fast, but relatively non-violent solution to the question of legitimacy, or more to the point, legitimize the actual undisputed top-dog.

Boxing is much older and more proven than Ukrainian democracy, and a much less ugly and corrupt history. Indeed, boxing is practically uncorruptable compared to any other means of choosing leaders. Ladies and Germs, I propose a new (probably ancient if I know my Greeks) meme: Pugilocracy! I could only find one non-circular reference on google, an inactive blog, carabiner. But that was in another context, and I'm proposing not just that leaders be chosen by fair, unarmed combat, but that these guys fight each other in lieu of war, saving large fortunes in waste and opportunity costs, and the advertising revenue would be immense, probably making the whole enterprise self-financing.

1. Klitschko fights giant Russian MP, Nikolay Valuev* 

 This fight is actually a long standing proposal, pre-dating the current crisis.  I don't even care who gets what, (ideally Klitschko wins, he gets western Ukraine, loses, gets all Ukraine. Joking...) because they could sell the fight on world-wide television and make enough to buy Ukraine outright. The betting pool would  probably revive the European economy. America's too, if it were marketed right.

2. Run a boxing tournament open to all Ukrainians. Much local excitement. Klitschko wins anyway, Ukraine goes back to being West Virginia, and east-west problem remains. I guess I should have titled this A Kwic'nEasy Ukraine Solution. What's needed is a Ukrainian Don King, in the unlikely event there aren't dozens of them.

*I don't care for rap, and I've never watched three minutes of boxing at one time before, but this is a pretty kick-ass video, and now that guy is a member of Parliament. Democracy sometimes works

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