Saturday, July 21, 2012

Call to End Historic Snake-Handler Schism

As a lay man, I have no influence on the chosen or elected ecclessial leadership (an essay in it's own right), but I would pray that the twin bugaboos of anti-anti-venomism and anterior/posterior approach, going back almost 45 years to the Foundation itself, would finally be put back in their dank lairs. Whether or not Bishop Jesco White continues to frighten the women and children with "milked" snakes is not really the issue; nowhere does scripture mention venom. "Serpent's sting" is not Copperhead or Coral Snake or Rattler. I'm not pleading for Rationalism, far from it. If God's creation is used by him to reward you for your faith and bring you to him sooner rather than later, we will all rejoice.

I have been bringing surgical hose and razors to Church for years, on the off-chance that one of God's blessed creatures be sent to test my Faith. I know this gives the appearance of a doubt and weakness, but won't somebody please think of the children! I don't fear the timing of my own Heavenly Reward, I merely pray that the Holy Sacraments be restricted to the actual Body and Blood (traditionally understood to be Moonshine and Meth and NOT smoked) and NOT the Devil's O[xycodin]. A return to the traditional pre-Tulsa liturgy is absolutely required if we are to continue to attract young people with families, an increasing number of whom, while not completely literate and doomed to doubt, get an increasingly open view of life through the television. Electric guitars and 20-inch rims can make Snakes seem boring, but many youngsters still hunger for the Apocalypse, some even helping with our Holy Land Initiative, and these people are the future.

Praise the Lord, and let his Messengers go Forth!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Let the Kid Go. Please. I'll be your Friend! We can Hang Out. Please, Count Dracula. C'mon, Be a Nice guy! I'll vote for you!

A so'ger boy named Manning, got tired of all the shammin',
and leaked some awful, gruesome videos.
When asked about his Oath. he said he wanted both;
honor and patriotic duty, and so...
he's in the jailhouse now,
he's in the jailhouse now.

I'da told him once or twice;
they'll beat you silly and put your nuts in a vice.
Plus he's in the jailhouse now.

"Prior to 1930, several different versions of it were recorded and copyrighted. The earliest is Davis and Stafford's 1915 version, which has verses about a man named Campbell cheating at a card game, and a corrupt election." -wikipedia