Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Finance for Dummies

I've never owned any stocks and I barely even know what a bond is (except bail bonds - ahem) but I got up early enough yesterday to watch the tsunami hit CNBC when futures were down 400 points. Pure schadenfreude bliss, watching the talking heads panic and curse Bernanke and even accuse each other for not seeing it coming. As IOZ said "I love the smell of market corrections in the morning. It smells like victory."

I'd stand in a bread-line all day if I could see Cramer crying every morning and brokers jumping out windows, screaming "Oh, no! I can't live like everyone else. Ahhhh!" So the "Plunge (haha) Protection Team" stepped up and the Dow ended up 300 today. Can you say "bear trap". I also like "dead cat bounce". Ambrose Bierce could have said panics are God's way of teaching proles finance.

I've wondered if the government started buying enough equities to bring the market along, and it works, then what? If they sold it would have to be gradually or else it would just as likely work in reverse. What if they made a bundle? Tax rebates? Options? My brain is too tiny.

The striking writers might as well just go back to work; they couldn't possibly beat this stuff. I'm getting up early again tomorrow. I never thought I'd enjoy reality tv.

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